Friday, January 13, 2012

Menopause or PMS –One or the Other, Please

At 50, I am at the glorious stage of life where I am transitioning into my favorite person, Maxine. Yep, everything on my body is a clear cut roadmap pointing south. My distance vision is so poor I mistake my son for my husband. Thankfully that clears up as we get closer to one another because with my personality, there’s no telling how that boy might be scarred for life by my words or deeds if I thought it was still darling hubby.
Though I am predominantly a positive-minded person, there are days when Maxine’s sarcasm and impatience creep into my soul. I find this to especially be the case on days like yesterday and today. One of the other joys about this age is the cessation of menstruation. That’s right, no more monthly visits from Aunt Flo or her twin sister Aunt Cramps-from-Hell. Or so we’re told.
The transition, which I’ve learned can go on for years, includes skipping your monthly visits for 2, 3 even 6 months at a time. Just when you think the dynamic duo of pain and chaos are out of your life for good…BAM! They come calling with a mind to make up for lost time. For me anyway, it seems the longer these two titans of terror stay away, the worse the next visit is.
The pair showed up this week. Back when I had regular visits form them, I saw the signs of their impending descent upon my life. A full day of being a bitch on wheels accompanied by a day or two of a ravenous appetite that left even my granddaughter’s Gerber Toddler desserts fair game. Now, because I am lulled into a false sense of “maybe they’ve gone for good” by an extended absence, those signs sneak up on me and I don’t recognize for what they really are.
Earlier this week I was really struggling to keep from eating everything in the house that either tasted sweet or crunched. Even the French’s Fried Onion Bits were calling to me at one point in spite of my knowing how badly they taste before baking – yes in an earlier demon-like possession, I have eaten them out of the canister. When the tag team of Hurt ‘Em and Leave ‘Em Bleedin’ showed up, all became clear.
The good news is that I managed to fend off the worst of their predatory advances and even lose a tiny bit of weight. Today’s end of the week weigh-in finds me 255.4 bring the New Year’s total to -6.3. It’s not the 15 pound weight loss Atkins promises from their induction phase but then I haven’t been the ideal Inductee. I would have to say that all things considered, it hasn’t been a bad start. I just wish this body of mine would make up its mind…menopause or menstruation. This duality is killing me.


sandilynnPetersen said...

I've had maybe three abnormal visits from Aunt Flo since November 2010. I'm not out of the forest yet, though. Hot flashes are pretty bad but the good news is I can go outside sometimes without a heavy jacket during winter. Intense mood swings where I cry for absolutely no reason at all except I'm incredibly sad combine with chronic depression to make my journey through menopause a free fall. It's scary sometimes. I'm either plateauing with my weight or gaining a bunch of water for two days and then losing it all at once. It's moving downward but not as quickly as a few months ago.

Sass Ashe said...

I'm not quite there yet, but I can sooo relate to the cravings and irrational eating- a container of cake frosting, a whole bag of lays and half a pack of oreos later... But I'm hoping I'll be able to avoid that and stick to the diet- at least I'm getting the salty if not the sweet!

Joanne said...

Those days are long gone for me. I was one of those that menopause hit very early (early 40's) and I was glad to rid myself of it! Though the hot flashes were annoying. Here's hoping that your body makes up it's mind soon!
Blessings, Joanne

Kathy Foust said...

I love this post! Not that I love the fact that you're going through it. Aunt Flo now shows up at my house whenever she damn well pleases...and does so with a vengeance. I feel at this point I can best avoid prosecution of any kind if I just sleep as much as possible, therby avoiding any triggers. Of course, this course of action doesn't work out real well when I'm curled up in the fetal position wondering what in God's name I ever did to deserve this.
Good luck to you and may your loved ones survive this with as little scarring and PTSD treatments as possible. Here..this might crack you up for a minute...

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