Ok, Ok, I admit it. I haven’t been blogging because I haven’t been being very good the last few days. I avoided stepping on the scale so I wouldn’t see the proof of it and I avoided blogging so I wouldn’t have to admit it to myself or to you. A good friend, whom I asked to keep me honest if I failed to post for more than a few days, held up her end of the deal and now I must hold up mine. So here I am, confessing all.
I’m not really confessing all. No one wants to hear about every noodle I ate or every high carb morsel that passed between my lips. Suffice it to say I threw the diet out the window for several days and I’ll be damned if I can explain exactly why.
It started Friday. I planned on meeting friends for a writer’s meeting at the local McDonald’s. I also planned to eat there but I had promised myself to have a salad. When I stepped up to the counter, I ordered a Crispy Ranch Chicken sandwich combo meal and yes folks, I said Supersize it. My better angels started whispering right away “Oh no! Change your order! You’ve worked so hard!” But the darker demons won…”It’s just one meal. You can make up for it. You have all weekend. It’s just one meal. You deserve it…You’ve worked so hard!” It has been downhill since then. This morning I weighed 255.6 – up 1.7 from almost a week ago.
I have an addictive personality. There is very little that I love which I don’t indulge in excessively. For a number of years, I was involved with someone who drank heavily and so I did too. I gave that up when I realized the potential damage I was causing myself and my daughter. I smoked for over 20 years. I gave that up too for my health and that of my family’s. So I know I am a creature of bad habits AND I know I can break them when I finally decide too. This food thing though. It has really gotten in a way I don’t understand.
No matter how hard I try to beat it, it always wins. I am determined not to let it win. I just haven’t figured out my strategy completely, yet. But I will.