Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Stuck in Stress

Well here it is, close to the end of the month and you might wonder how I’m doing. Not bad but not great. My weight has jumped back up. I’m up to 265, almost my all-time high of 267. I’m not feeling great about that. The clothes are tight. Moving around is as hard as ever and I am tired all the time.

Why have I gained the weight back? Stress. It just seems no matter what my husband and I do, our lives get more and more complicated and stressful. I know that is probably true for all of you too and it is an excuse but I just don’t function well under stress. I eat too much, I don’t sleep well and so what little energy I have is saved for the “important” things like work, cooking, cleaning, and the everyday things that “have to” get done.

Things stressing me lately? Where to begin? I don’t want to come off sounding like a wuss, a whiner, a self-pitying fool. It’s just there is so much, the weight of it feels crushing sometimes.

My daughter and her daughter moved in nine months ago because she was struggling to pay her bills. The plan was she would stay long enough to pay off her car and save up some money so she could afford a place of her own. Recently she has lost her job. Guess she’ll be staying a bit longer.

My husband’s job may be in jeopardy. He’s been looking for another but there’s nothing in the area that pays anywhere near what he makes – not that what he makes is fantastic but there’s nothing close. If he loses his current job, he will probably have to take a $5k or more cut.

We learned today that our house is infested with termites. We’re waiting for the quote from the termite guy and there’s no telling yet how bad the damage is.

The list goes on as I’m sure yours does. It just seems it’s been like this for so long that I have no energy reserves to deal with it all. It might sound like I’m depressed but I’m really not. I love my family and laugh every day. I am blessed to live in a beautiful place and to be able to work from home. I have terrific friends and a supportive family. So not everything sucks.

I’m just one of those people who wants to fix all the problems and I get really frustrated when I can’t. My mind won’t shut off and I can’t sleep or I sit in my chair typing away, trying to earn just a little more so we can fix this appliance or pay that bill. Sitting at a desk all day makes for a very inactive Theresa.

On the bright side, I survived the colposcopy and got the “all clear” form the doctor. I know, bad joke. And the insurance company finally came through with the approval for the sleep study but there isn’t an opening until the end of April. I am hoping if they can help me fix my sleep issues, I’ll feel more rested and have more energy. Anything has got to better than where I am today.

’m hanging in there…how about you?


Tamara McRill said...

Dislike the stress, but "yay!" on the all-clear and insurance coverage. Seems like everything really has to do with the sleep issues, so hopefully you get that figured out soon. How can you not be stressed, when you're exhausted?

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