I haven’t blogged about my weight loss efforts for a while because I’ve been yo-yo-ing for weeks now. At first I was stuck between 252 and 250. Every once in a while I’d see 249 and grow hopeful. Then it started staying at 248 to 251. I was excited whenever the scale dipped under 250 and depressed whenever it crept back over.
This pattern continued for a bit with me reminding myself each morning that my weight can fluctuate naturally a couple of pounds every day. Why can’t it just keep fluctuating downward, I wondered. I examined my eating habits and being honest with myself I discovered a couple of things.
The first is that I tend to be really good all week long, when I’m busy and have deadlines. When the weekend arrives, the picture changes. I might still have things to do but there is more freedom and latitude in the weekend. I equate weekends with relaxing, spending time with family and indulging. Yep, each weekend, I would consciously or not sabotage my efforts by eating foods I shouldn’t or too much of foods I should. I would forego any form of exercise in favor of relaxing.
Last weekend, I fought this urge. I followed my diet for the most part and I exercised on Saturday and Sunday. I did lighter workouts but the key, for me, was getting it done. For a change, I didn’t groan when I stepped on the scale Monday morning. My weight tiptoed up a couple of tenths but I could live with that. This morning came the reward. I stepped on scale, rubbing the sleep from my eyes, a yawn escaping from my mouth and peered down at the digital display. It glowed a happy little “246” back at me.
I have been teetering between 247 and 249 this last week so I know 246 won’t last. It was just the first peek. That was the second discovery I made. Against all modern advice, I weigh myself every day. This is how I hold myself accountable. History has taught me that when I avoid the scale, it is because I have allowed myself to decide to eat poorly. Avoiding the scale avoids accountability.
Whenever the numbers crept up, I was angry with myself and tried to find some action on my part that caused the increase, however slight. I wasn’t listening to myself when I reminded me that my weight can fluctuate daily. As I looked back at the log I keep, I began to see the pattern. Yes, my weight does go up and down throughout a given week. It is not yo-yo-ing in the sense that I’ve taken off a significant amount of weight and then put it back on. It is just the normal give-take of my body and overall, it has been on steady downward decent since I began this journey in January.
I am down 9.6 lbs in 12.5 weeks. That may not seem like a lot but I am pleased with it. I earned every tenth of it and I’m proud of that. I’d sure as hell rather be down 9.6 than up 9.6 or even still be where I was. Progress sometimes comes in small measure and I’m learning that its okay with me, so long as it comes at all.